A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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