i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Pappa wants mamma naked
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
