god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
