Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
