I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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