My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
