is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
