Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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