I looked at my own cervix.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
