you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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