What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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