She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
