No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
