i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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