Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
