There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
