Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
