I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
