We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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