i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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