She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
