3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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