so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
