oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
