He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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