Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
