I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
