Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
