oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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