How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
