I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
