just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
