There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
