oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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