He uses pillows to masturbate.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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