OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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