no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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