They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
