I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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