I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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