please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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