bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
