Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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