capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
