i don't like sucking hair
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
