Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
