My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
