well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
