If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
