my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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