During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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