I'm lost and stupid without you.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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