Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
