I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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