Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
