I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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