So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
